
During this self-distancing that is Covid 19, I still am able to keep my grandsons on Mondays and Tuesdays. They are six and two and a half years old. They are fun and fun-loving. The only challenge for me comes in keeping them from fighting with each other. The little one is not at all good at sharing, and thinks everything is his. His good natured older brother sometimes gets enough of that attitude, and they fight. Sibling rivalry I guess. We have learned to buy two of everything, which may sound like an authority figure cop-out, but hey, I’m old and we must keep the peace.
I do remember some of the rivalry with my own brother, who is just 11 months younger than me. Lucky for him that somewhere in his junior high years he became bigger and stronger than me. I guess payback was in order and well-deserved. The truth is, I am a middle child. I have an older sister, and a younger sister and my brother. I have found it interesting that there have been psychological studies involving the personality traits of middle children. Although only a handful of researchers have actually examined the role of the middleborn child, there is a general belief that middleborns are different from other birth positions, with different experiences and behaviors. One researcher, Jeannie Kidwell, for example, has suggested that middleborns may have lower self-esteem since they are not “unique” like firstborn and lastborn-status children (i.e., firstborn and lastborn children get status, recognition, and attention that middleborns may not receive). Several other researchers have suggested that middleborns may be more likely to report that “life is unfair” since their oldest sibling may have “all the rights” and the youngest “all the privileges.” However, researchers also report that middleborn children sometimes become experts at mediating and compromising; that is, they become skilled at playing the “peacemaker” role. And, it also has been found that middleborn children may spend more time with friends than other children in the family, since with friends, they may get a chance to have the status and recognition that they don’t feel they receive at home.
I think that many middle children are often parent and people pleasers, and I can relate to the peacemaker role. I also can relate to at least the feeling of not being my parent’s favorite, even though it was probably not true. It seems that the firstborn often has a special place of blessing. That’s why most parents have 10,000 pictures of their first child and only 17 pics of their second child.
Just for fun, I thought I would share a few characteristics of your birth order that I found on an Ohio State University Fact Sheet. First born characteristics : Goal setters, High achievers, Perfectionist, Responsible, Organized, Rule Keepers, Determined, Detail people. Middle Children: Flexible, Diplomatic, Peacemaker, Generous, Social, Competitive. Lastborn: Risk takers, Outgoing, Idea people, Creative, Humor, Question authority.
There is a story involving birth order in the Bible, and it is worth mentioning. This is one very strange story involving the oldest child and his corresponding blessing. It is the story of Esau and Jacob, in Genesis chapters 25 and 27. In case you have forgotten the story, or if in case the Old Testament scares you, Esau was the first born of Isaac and Rebekah. Esau was firstborn only by a bit, since Jacob was his twin brother, and it was nothing but trouble from the get go. Esau and Jacob really got off to a good start and fought so much in the womb that mother Rebekah felt like she was experiencing a plague or some sort of good old fashioned old testament curse from God.
Esau was born first, and he sounded like a sight to behold. He was so hairy with red hair that they thought he was born with some clothes on, and Jacob was grabbing his foot wrestling with him the whole time. Esau must have been a little slow as well, because he traded his birthright for a hot meal. Yet despite his dullness, and despite the fact that he was so ugly that you had to hang pork chop around his neck to get the dog to play with him, he was after all the first born, if only by seconds. So he had a certain since of entitlement, and a certain destiny. He was due the blessing from dear old dad. But the rub was that Jacob tricked dad into giving him the blessing instead of Esau, while dad was on his deathbed nonetheless. So while the oldest was out hunting for a gourmet meal with the intent of pleasing dad, the stay at home loafer named Jacob was scheming with his mother (I told you it was a strange story), to trick pops into giving a irrevocable blessing to himself, instead of the entitled Esau. The plan worked, because Jacob put on what sounds like a gorilla suit, received the blessing and Esau returned home infuriated and begged for a “do over,” which of course was not possible.
It is sometimes true that when someone misses the blessing, they work their whole life seeking approval and trying to get one from someone or something by whatever means are available. Conversely, when someone receives a blessing, they have been given a rare gift, for they then have the power to bless others.
Chaplain Myron Madden, in his book The Power to Bless , helps us out on the importance of blessing others: “Blessing is power,” Madden said. “Blessing is empowering people, affirming people, giving them the freedom to be who they are.” “God is a God of promise, not of (open-ended) guarantees. He told Abraham, ‘I will bless you, but I want you to be a blessing.’ He blesses us to give his blessing away.” The result of blessing, Madden said, is to enable people to be who they truly are and to see their lives in truth .
Temptation, Madden said, distorts the “stories” or the life journeys believers have taken. Part of the ministry of blessing is to help people get their stories straight and to see themselves as God sees them. “The worst lie is the lie about who I am,” he said. “Tell your story until you get it right.”
No doubt there are many things in life that would steal our blessing and rob us of the power to bless others. Money. Fame. Power. The seven deadlies to name a few. But nothing will rob us faster than not feeling blessed ourselves. Because when we feel like we have not been blessed we will forever work to seek approval, we will forever work to prove our worth, we will forever work to gain the blessing that we can never quite have, we will forever work to earn something that really cannot be earned, and we will forever work to get our story right.
There is all the difference in the world in the one who knows they are blessed and the one who feels like they are not. For when we are blessed, we feel accepted, we feel loved, we feel like we have worth and are valuable. When we are blessed , we are by definition optimist, and everything is capable of a positive spin. When we are blessed we have perspective, when we are blessed we know we are lucky or we are special, and we probably even realize that we got more than we deserved out of life. We count our blessings and not our troubles, our fortunes and not our misfortunes, and mostly we know that whatever happens in life it will be OK, that it has been a good ride, that we have been blessed. We all need the blessing of others, whether it be from our parents, or from someone else.
The account of Jesus’ baptism in the gospels we find that God bathes Jesus in the light of the purest parental love: “Thou art My beloved Son, in Thee I am well-pleased. ” He gave Jesus his blessing . And thusly, the power to bless others. And that is the point of Jesus’ Baptism. It is why it is at the beginning of his ministry, for he gained his father’s approval, his blessing, and thus was able to bless others.
And what did Jesus do to deserve such a blessing? Well, when we examine this reading and its context, we see that God was in fact not blessing anything that Jesus had done (he had not yet begun his public ministry); instead he was blessing Jesus out of love. The blessing of God does not come based upon our accomplishments. The blessing of God does not come based upon our possessions. The blessing of God does not come based upon our worth or our deserving it. The blessing of God is simply offered . It is given.
“You are my beloved child – in you I am well-pleased. ” The first born and the last born, the Alpha and the Omega, the only begotten of God, blessing the one at his baptism who would bless the whole world.
What a blessing! A blessing that every child longs to hear from his or her parents. Dearest friends, receive the blessing from God. Receive the blessing that cannot be purchased. Receive the blessing that cannot be earned. Receive the blessing that does not depend upon our birth order, but merely accompanies our second birth. God does not ask us to be God. He asks us to be beloved children.
When we receive the blessing that we did not earn or deserve, a funny thing happens– the very fabric of our life is changed. We are approved, we are accepted, we live as though we are loved– our self esteem and our outlook on life changes, and we understand what it means to be truly blessed. But more importantly, we posses the most important power, the power to minister to others, the power to mediate the grace of God in the lives of others, the power to changes us and more importantly the power to change our world, for we posses– the power to bless. Give to others the blessing that you have received.
