Mary! Mary! Are you O.K.? Just relax…What?…I know it hurts…Just rest the best you can…I’m sorry we couldn’t get a room. This is no place for you to be, especially not now. Another pain…They are getting so regular now…There, there now, try to relax…Maybe the baby won’t come until tomorrow, or better yet till we get back home…I promise tomorrow we’ll…MARY! MARY! Take some deep breaths! Breathe! Breathe! Breathe! Come on now, slow and easy, in …out in….out Yes, you can do it to…that’s better now. easy. shhhh! just rest. I promise in the morning find to find a real room and bed somewhere. Now try to sleep………
The Trip
Finally, asleep (wipe brow), whew! If only for a few minutes. Poor Mary. She has to be exhausted. A long hard ride- in pain most of the way. I didn’t think we were going to make it. I hope the baby will be o.k.. What a time for a census. Seems like these things always come at the worst times. They make us come all this way just so they can levy more taxes on us poor people. I can’t believe that they made Mary come along in her condition. I guess I wouldn’t rest very well if I knew she was at home without me either. But she would at least have a bed, and her family would be there. I sure hope that baby don’t come tonight. I really don’t know what to do at a time like this; I mean I have helped with the animals, but a human being. So many of them die in childbirth. I just have to believe that everything is going to be o.k.. After all that has happened, God surely must be in this thing somewhere. But I can’t help but be scared to death. But I will try to look strong and confident before you Mary.
My Love
Mary, as I watch you sleeping, I will never forget the first time I laid eyes on you. Your skin looked so soft. I was afraid to touch your hand. They were so perfect so feminine, and mine were so calloused, so scared, so rough. But you did not care. Your voice was like a bird, I could listen to you talk all day. And those eyes, one casual gaze into my eyes quickly melted this old rugged exterior. Mary, my life was nothing before you but hard work and heartache. I just can’t believe that in this day of arranged marriages that you actually did love me! Ours is a love story Mary. I never thought anyone like you would give anyone like me a second look or the time of day. But that was surface stuff. When you looked at me you somehow looked right through me, right straight to my heart. You have a way of bringing out the best in me. You overlook my faults, and that can’t be easy. I know you could have had you pick of men. Someone more handsome, stronger, younger, or smarter. But you loved me! You’re the sunshine in my soul Mary. Your love brightens and warms the coldest, darkest nights. I am most blessed of all men.
Our child and my despair
And now, look at you Mary. Laying there about to have our child. Our child. I have to admit that was hard for me to say at first. And even though I am not the real father of this child, I hope he will be known as my own. I hope they will say there goes Joseph’s boy of the family of Jesse and David. I’ll never forget when you told me you were pregnant. It floored me. I could not believe what my ears were hearing. Mary, I was so confused! Hurt. I didn’t want to believe it. I knew that we had not had relations. I knew that it wasn’t mine. But I knew you wouldn’t betray me. I was so angry because I knew someone must have taken advantage of you. I knew you would not do anything to hurt me, yet I didn’t know what to think. I was torn up inside…I mean, what else could I think, the facts don’t lie. This shock sent my entire life crashing down. I had a real faith crisis. I have always tried to do what is right. I have followed God’s laws. It just wasn’t fair. I wanted so hard to believe you because I loved you so much. Even if you for some reason could not love me back. I remember wanting to run away to the other side of the Negev. And, yet, something inside of me didn’t care what other people said or thought, not even the rabbi. I just wanted to turn back the clock and have things like they were before.
My Pride and the law
I knew what the law said. I had to put you away. I was expected to hold you up as a public spectacle, if I were to be accepted and to be considered righteous. I had to treat you like a whore. How embarrassing! My Jewish pride runs deep through this thick head of mine Mary. I am not learned like those at the temple, but doing right runs through the veins in my family. We don’t break rules. We are good citizens. We pay our taxes every time, and we never miss a stupid one of these roman censuses.
My Plan to Put you Away
O Mary, O Mary… alas my heart was heavy. I had no PEACE. I prayed and I prayed God would give me peace. I wanted to believe in you Mary, but my hurt made me withdraw. But I couldn’t get you off my mind. The thought of loosing you was killing me. Before you came into my life I was nothing. I was lonely- empty – I just existed from day to day. But with you I was alive! And what was one mistake anyway? Do we not all sin? Do we not all fail? I certainly am not proud of everything that I have done in my life either. You always accepted me for what I was and saw in me what I could be. So, I was already thinking that even though you did this thing, it was small in comparison to all that you have added to my life. So I planned to handle this whole mess in a way that you would be protected. I would take full responsibility if I had to, and would even tell them the child was mine. I was going to send you to a place where no one would laugh at you, mock you, call you names, or ridicule you. Let them do that to me. I would bear the shame. After all, I must have let you down in some way for this kind of thing to happen.
The Dream
It was then Mary, when had the dream. I work so hard and sleep so sound that I never remember my dreams, but this one was different. I am still not sure exactly what was going on. I had not slept in days. I couldn’t eat or work. I was torn up inside. I had no peace. But I dozed off, only to have my life, our life, change forever. I wasn’t sure what appeared to me in the dream. At first I was scared. I thought it was a devil here to torment me. Then I believe the messenger to be Elijah, or Jeremiah or maybe, Isaiah. I suddenly realized that it was an angel- a messenger from God. The angel told me that the baby was no mistake, no sin, nor no surprise. The baby was conceived by God himself, and would be very special. You know, I heard the old timers down at the temple talking about a coming messiah. I always considered it to be just talk from a bunch of old fogies who were tired of taxes and tired of Roman rule- and mostly tired of being pushed around by every country in the history of the world. But then, I remembered about what happened with Elisabeth. As the angel spoke, I thought I was loosing my mind. I thought I was going crazy. The messiah; yes the messiah! It all made perfect sense. I certainly had no trouble believing that God would pick you for such a blessing – you are the best woman I have ever known. I still don’t understand all of it, but this dream will forever haunt me. And besides, it was reason enough to marry you.
The Kingdom Come
And now- this baby! The one who will restore the kingdom? Well, maybe. The one who will somehow save us from something that I am not quite sure of. Well, who knows? Maybe God will indeed use this Joshua to bring peace to my people after all these years. perhaps even to the whole world. All I know for sure is, that somehow this unborn babe has already brought peace to me and the woman love. And I can live with that.
The Birth
Mary! Mary! Are you ok??? Its time! Its time! Great day!! Let me get some water! Its too dark, we need a bigger fire…no time…no I won’t leave you. I’m right here….Mary Wait! Wait! You can’t wait….where is this light coming from…Mary its time its time! I love you ….I love you…..